Okay, so I’ve been a bit down lately. My current job as a secretary is monotonous, routine, and uses very little of my brain power. And since it’s only part time, I’m still in the job hunting phase, trying to find a second job to supplement my income and get me back on my feet. It’s a lot of rejection and it sucks. When I do have free time, I feel so tired and beat down that I don’t have the motivation to do much of anything. Then I feel horrible for not pursuing some larger purpose, and it all cycles around and around leaving me in a big negative funk.
And I haven’t felt like myself. It’s a cycle I’ve been trying to break and this Saturday I made a step towards that. I, mostly unwillingly, drove out to Buford for the monthly deaf social at the Mall of Georgia. Going into it, I wasn’t optimistic. I’m all by myself. Who will I talk to? I’ll be too sad and lifeless for anyone to want to talk to me. I’ll just end up bitching about crappy situation. I really don’t want to go. But I went anyway because I got some tough love the night before from a friend who told me that just sitting around feeling sorry for myself wasn’t going to do anything. And he was right. So I dragged myself out there, not hoping for much. And I’ll admit, I circled the social a few times and even pretended to shop, biding time, avoiding the situation, and staying in my sad, sorry bubble. But I had spent the time and gas to go, and had even told people I was going. If I backed out now, I would forever be lame. So I finally went up to someone, told them I was new to the area, and wanted to meet people in the deaf community.
And you know what? Everything was fine.
Better than fine. It was great. I quickly got back into the flow of translating my thoughts into rapid fire signing. Far from the sad, unsociable lump I thought I would be, I was meeting people left and right, flowing in and out of conversations. I even had to stop myself a time or two because I was signing so much. I had forgotten how easy it is to socialize with deaf people and other signers. I had forgotten how much I love the language, and how good I am at it. At the social I had 3 different deaf people ask me if I was deaf. The significance of that is that my signing was so clear and understandable, people thought it was my natural language. That’s a huge deal! It was nice to be complimented on my signing since I’ve often wondered at my skill level. Back in Kentucky I mostly signed with students below my skill level, so I rarely got decent feedback.
All in all I had a great time at the social. I’m really glad I forced myself to go. I came back energized and happy. Those feeling stuck the next day as well. After feeling passionless, ineffective, and without purpose, connecting with my passion was just what I needed.
So please, if I’m like this in the future, do give me a good whack on the head and remind me to get out.