My Own Brand of Unschooling

Lately I’ve been reading several books about unschooling and thinking about my stance on the matter. (Jury is still out on that one, but I’m definitely leaning in favor of it.) What I’ve mostly felt throughout the process is, “Damn. Wish I could just study whatever I wanted, whenever and however.” How lovely it would be to not worry about the rent or bills and just explore the world. Learn and live at my own pace. Carpe diem and all that jazz.

But as I read more about a typical week in an unschooler’s life, I realized my own pursuits weren’t too far off. Sure, I work and do responsible adult things, but I do have a lot of free time that I try to put to good use. Here’s what I have been doing as of late:

• Listen to podcasts on history and women’s issues (How Stuff Works)
• Read read read and read some more. Lately I’ve been reading about unschooling, organizing your library, choosing a career path, and lots of fiction.
• Go to museums (Fernbank, High, Tellus, Zoo)
• Get books from library and used books store
• Keep a running list of what I’ve read and want to read so I always have a great book lined up
• Learn Positive Discipline and child rearing skills through real experience nannying and babysitting
• ATLOSCon! I attended talks about effective communication, sexual ethics, the virtue of pride, and art appreciation.
• Have frequent discussions about wide variety of topics and issues (usually after a few glasses of wine)
• Book clubs (Atlas Shrugged, Ender’s Game, and next The Art of Non-Fiction)
• Movies and TV: They springboard me into other topics. For example: An Education/500 Days of Summer about relationships and first impressions, Battlestar Galactica about morality during war/extreme circumstances, John Adams about tough decisions during American Revolution, The Sound and Fury documentary about cochlear implant choices, and movies based on books lead me to originals.
• I’m learning leadership and planning skills through working with ATLOS (trivia night, book club, ATLOSCon talks, website, book swap)
• Graphic design principles and Adobe programs by working with Tori and doing my own independent work
• Cooking: learning to how to put different flavors together, follow recipes, and do weekly meal plans
• Budgeting with bills and income

And suddenly I feel much better about not being in college. Actually, I feel like I’ve learned more in the past year than any other time in my life. Cool!

I Doubted If I Should Ever Come Back

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

The typical interpretation of this poem is that the traveller took the road less traveled (perhaps one that was harder or less mainstream) and looking back, realized that was the best choice. It’s what I’ve always heard through all my years of public school poetry units. And then Kelly showed me a different interpretation. The traveller wasn’t glad he took the road less travelled: he lamented he couldn’t explore the other path, “knowing how way leads on to way.” What a totally different look at the poem I thought I had figured out in middle school!

That little seed of a thought grew as I was watching this scene from one of my favorite movies, “An Education”:

 

I began to think of past boyfriends and daydreams I had about our future. And then, like the speaker in the poem, felt a pang of sadness, knowing I would never experience any of those futures. It seems a bit silly, to miss a potentiality. Perhaps it’s an F thing. But now I’m remembering all the things I had hoped for with each boy: the places we would visit, the experiences we would share, the memories we would make. While I don’t actually want to take up with any of my former flames, I do ponder what might have been. I wonder what each one might have brought out of me and what we might have shared together. It’s a strange kind of nostalgia.

And now I think I’ll always have that connection when I see that poem.

Have you ever experienced nostalgia for what might have been? Have you ever had a moment that made you see a familiar piece of art in a new way?

Online Dating Adventures

Every time I hear about online dating sites, I confess I have a certain connotation connected with it. Awkwardness. Contrived. Desperate. I think to myself, “Internet dating is for weirdos who can’t meet people the real way. Like in real life.”

But really, I am the last person to have any negative judgements about online dating. I’ve met a good number of boys through the internet (Facebook, Twitter, blogs) and my whole life in Atlanta is a direct consequence of reading Kelly and Jenn’s blogs. Not to mention I have lots of online friendships with people that I’ve never met the real way.

Realizing all this, I decided to get over myself and try a dating website. The pickings are slim in the Atlanta Objectivist scene and frankly I need to expand my social network. I’ve never done the typical dating thing where I meet a boy and get to know him by going out and doing things. Often I am already friends with the person and just dive right in to a relationship.

It’s a bit nerve-wracking. What if the photos look way better than the person in real life? What if things are totally weird? What do I say if it’s going bad? What if I’m really into him and he’s definitely not? I’m pretty sure I can use my adult super powers to navigate through these potential awkward situations, but it is a bit scary to try a big new thing.

On a more positive note, browsing through a dating site is a lot like shopping for an apartment online. Bouncing back and forth between match.com and apartmentratings.com the similarities were clear. What amenities do I want? What part of town? How’s the view? Can I do short term? What must I absolutely have and what is just nice to have?

Unfortunately there are no online reviews for boys, so all I have to go on is profile information and my best judgement. Which can be tough given that most profiles start out, “I’m pretty laid back” continue with “I do these things that 99% of the population also does” and end “I’m just looking for a girl to chill with.” But then again, aren’t apartment complex overviews just as nondescript?

So far I’ve had a few people catch my interest, but nobody has blown me away. But that’s what real life dates are for right? We’ll see how those go. In the meantime, this song is playing in my head every time I log on.

Happy Senior Year Briana! Some Advice for Your Last Year of High School

Today is my sister’s first day as a senior in high school. It’s a bit weird to think she’s that old and will be moving out of the house in the next year. Anyways, it got me thinking about my own experiences in high school. So here’s some advice to Briana (and any other senior) about how to approach this last year.

• This is going to be the longest year of your life. Ever. You’ll be so done with it all by September. Stay busy and it won’t drag on so bad.
• Get everything done way in advance. Portfolios. College applications. Prom dresses. It’s so nice to not have to stress about deadlines. Sign up early for editing sessions with teachers and go to more than one. (I can help you with any of these if you want.)
• Soak up all the uniquely high school experiences. Go to the sports games. Try a new activity before you lose the chance. Take that interesting elective class. Go to the senior events. Don’t mope around waiting till graduation.
• Take a non-senior to Project Grad. Particularly one who is good at gambling. They can’t buy anything with the fake cash and they can give it all to you. I got a DVD/VCR player for FREE that night and I still use it today. If you know your roommate, pool your money with her to get even better stuff. Stick it out till dawn, it’s worth it. If nothing else you can sell what you get.
• Start saving money. It will come in handy after graduation whether you’re in school full time and can’t work much or you’re trying to get an apartment (Like maybe in Atlanta? Just a thought). I saved most of what I made waitressing the summer before college and it was pocket money through most of my freshman year at college.
• Don’t wear heels to graduation. They’ll sink into the football field grass and you fall on your face. And I will probably laugh.

Have a great year! 

5 Star Challenge: 5 Things my Body Can Do

Monday I wrote 5 Things I Love About Myself. Today is all about what my body can do.

1. I can inspire works of art. As a figure model I can hold poses for hours on end while artists create drawings, paintings, and sculptures of my classical form. I can also get pretty creative with quick gesture poses.
   

   Sculpture by Basil Watson. (basilwatson.com)

2. I can (hypothetically) grow, birth, and feed a human being. I don’t plan on doing this for a long long time, but it’s cool to think I have an awesome superpower in waiting.
3. I can communicate without talking. I can go for weeks without talking, so long as I’m around folks who know American Sign Language. I pick up language really quickly and I’ve been asked by deaf people on several different occasions if I’m deaf as well. (Which is equivalent to a native speaker asking if this is your first language.)
   

   My best friend Zack and I at the World's Largest Silent Weekend in Orlando.

4. I can toss flags and rifles. A bit out of practice, but I can still whip out a double 45 on my flag or a fishtail on my rifle.
5. I can perform really well. I can match my facial expressions and body movements really well to the tone of music I’m performing to. In colorguard I never needed to be told to play up my face more. In fact a few times I was told to tone it down. Performing is one of my absolute favorite things to do. (I need to get into an adult dance program soon.)
   

   Being silly senior year of high school.

5 Star Challenge: 5 Things I Love About Myself

How could I resist not joining in with Kelly and Jenn? Over five days I will write about:

Five things you love about yourself.

Five things your body can do.

Five things you’re grateful for.

Five things that make you happy you’re alive.

Five people (or pets) who you love.

So, first up 5 Things I Love About Myself.

1. I get my shit together. After losing/quitting my nanny job, I was out on the street with no job or real home. The day after some awesome friends took me in, I had another job. Sure, it sucked, but it gave me a leg up. After that I found a better job. Then I got an apartment. Then I got an even better job. And so on and so forth. With the powers of a real live grownup I pay bills, network, seize opportunities, build relationships, and deal with customer service. I can proudly say that I’ve worked for everything I have here in Atlanta. (+50 adult points!)
2. I am a happy person. I’m optimistic. I tend to see the good things in life. I don’t doubt that bad things happen, but even when they do I can pull myself up by my bootstraps and get happy again. I keep myself clean of jobs, people, and things that bring me down.
3.  I’m artistically hardwired. Photography, graphic design, dancing, writing, fashion, decorating, drawing, language, costume making: I can do a little to a decent amount of each. My mind is constantly coming up with ideas about how to spruce things up or create something new. I have notebooks and desktop folders filled with bits of inspiration from many creative corners. My closet has lots of pretty dresses. It feels good to constantly be thinking up new things. It makes me feel productive and special.
4. Pretty much every day I feel pretty. It’s taken a while to nail down a wardrobe and daily beauty routine that works for me. Now almost everyday I can quickly pull together my outfit, hair, and makeup and still feel put together and cute.
5. I’m mature for my age. Sorta related to #1, for being only 21, I feel I have a myself together. I have a good grasp on Objectivism, I don’t often make bad decisions, and I can take care of myself. I don’t waste time on some of the petty problems I see other people my age doing. I’m also aware that while I’m mature for my age, I still have a lot to learn and time to grow.

A Strange Phenomenon

I rarely got hit on in college. Since moving to Atlanta and working at a pizza place, I get hit on daily. It seems the strangest thing to me since I don’t think I’ve gotten any more attractive since moving. The only significant change in me since moving is I’m much happier.

So I have to conclude that my being happier is making me prettier or at least more approachable. Thus, happiness is sexy.

Spreading Objectivism to Young People: Beyond ARI and What More Needs to Happen

The Ayn Rand Institute has made it it’s goal to change the culture. They specifically have chosen young people (high school through college aged) as their main target for spreading Objectivism, as these are the years when people form their belief systems. It’s much easier to try to convince a 19-year-old of new modes of thinking than a middle-aged person set in their ways. I think ARI is right to do this.

To reach young people ARI offers essay and video contests, supports campus clubs, has a summer internship, finances books for teachers, runs the Objectivist Academic Center, and supports the Clemson summer conference on Atlas Shrugged. I might be missing some others, but it’s clear that the ARI does put a lot of time, effort, and money into spreading Ayn Rand’s ideas to young people. Without those efforts I’m sure thousands of kids never would have read Ayn Rand.

It’s certainly nothing to sneeze at. But I don’t think it’s all that can be done.

Since ARI goes through teachers and academic clubs to promote Ayn Rand, most of their materials center around academic subjects: philosophy, economics, science, history, and politics. There are countless pamphlets about environmentalism, government policies, socialism, economics, etc. And that’s great!

But where are the pamphlets about getting a girlfriend? Where are the guides to choosing a major? What about all the other things in our life that go on outside the classroom: art, parties, relationships, movies, sex,  hobbies, shopping, parenting, and so on? If Objectivism is a philosophy for living, shouldn’t there be pamphlets for all aspects of our lives, not just the political side of things?

Even non-ARI Objectivist sources such as The Objective Standard or The Undercurrent (which is specifically for college students) focus mainly on those topics. There’s definitely a wider breadth on Objectivist blogs. Diana’s weekly practical ethics webcast and the advent of mini-conferences across the country is certainly changing the tide as well, but it still only represents a small amount.

I’m not saying that what ARI, The Objective Standard, and The Undercurrent are doing is wrong. I’m glad they exist and the should keep on keeping on. I just think there should be other sources to balance them out, especially if we want more young people.

I think that if you want to get the message out to a group, you need to speak their language. Today’s generation speaks in tweets, Faceook updates, YouTube videos, magazine articles, and blogs. I think the best way to spread Objectivism is to make a lot of noise on these platforms. And not just noise, interesting noise!

I think that we need to put forth answers to young people’s questions from an Objectivist point of view. We need blogs, magazines, and YouTube channels giving advice on everyday problems with school, parents, sex, time management, and friends. There should be a magazine for young Objectivists with reviews of good books, movies, and music.

I think we need to intrigue young people. We need more art based in rational values. We need teen novels with selfish characters, movies that have romantic plots, and music with a good sense of life. I think the Atlas Shrugged movie might be a step in that direction, but I’m not sure.

I think Ayn Rand should pop up on social networking. We need an Objectivist video to go viral. Atlas Shrugged needs to be common among people’s favorite books on Facebook. #OCON should be a trending topic. Dominique needs a Sassy Gay Friend. Can you imagine how many people would read Rand if there was a meme about it?

Objectivism needs to look good. We should have kick ass clothes. Not just lengthy quotes screen-printed on t-shirts, but clever and cute designs that even people who haven’t read the books would like and wear. (And Rearden Metal bracelets!) Our websites should be dynamic and easy to navigate. There should be a photo calendar of hot, selfish boys with their shirts off on dorm room walls.

I think most importantly Objectivism needs to be fun. We’re happy people, right? We should be inviting college kids to our interesting and fun conferences. We should have lots socials that bring rational people together for brunches and karaoke and laser tag. There should be laughter and dancing!

I think if we are truly going to change the culture, Objectivism needs to be in more than just classrooms, academic journals, and John Stossel. It needs to be in all areas of life, on platforms that a majority of normal people access. After all, it is a philosophy for life!

I’m not suggesting that ARI or other Objectivist institutions change their ways. I think it would be disastrous if ARI tried to to start an internet meme or The Objective Standard had a “Dear Abby”-esque column. That’s not their function and they should stick to the academic stuff. What I’m suggesting is that other Objectivists step up and fill the gap. I see it already with Jenn and Kelly in regards to parenting, ATLOS in regards to socializing, and Diana Hsieh in regards to doling out practical advice. Some of the Atlas Shrugged video contest entries were fresh and interesting calls to activism that truly speak to young people. I try fill the gap with my own blog by presenting instructional, funny, inspiring, and benevolent content. I try to do it in my work with ATLOS. It’s what I hope to do in the future through whatever work I do, whether it be design, photography, or nude modeling.

What are you going to do?

How to Be a Good Customer at a Restaurant

Having returned to the restaurant industry, I’m remembering all the little quirks that come with being a waitress. One of them is less than awesome customers. Here’s a little how to from the waitress point-of-view on being a good customer at a restaurant.

If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to go out.

“I don’t have enough for a tip,” is a common statement I heard among my peers when the check came. They made sure they had enough money for food, but not a tip. So the waitress was often left with spare change that amounted to a few measly dollars. If you cannot afford to tip your waitress, go to a fast food place or somewhere with counter service. Your low funds are not a good reason to stiff someone who gives you quality service.

Do not sit at a dirty table if clean ones are available.

It’s amazing how many times I’ve watched people walk into an almost empty restaurant and sit at the one table that is dirty, even when there are identical tables nearby. Then follows the awkwardness of trying to clean off a table while people are seated around it. If you get to a table and realize it’s dirty, just move. It’s easier on you and the waitress.
If the restaurant is full and the table must be cleaned off, at least have the decency to stand to the side while the waitress cleans so she doesn’t have to awkwardly reach over you and try not to get crumbs in your lap.

When the time comes, be ready to order.

If you’re not sure what you want, ask the server for some time. If it’s going to take you a really long time, tell your server you’ll wave him/her down when you’re ready. Do not make your waitress stand there for 10 minutes while you weigh the benefits of mushrooms vs no mushrooms on your pizza. I’m happy to help you through the menu and answer your questions, but please do not make me waste time while you make trivial decisions about dinner when I could be doing a bazillion other productive things. This is especially annoying during a rush when I have food in the window or other orders to take. And remember, it’s just dinner. You can always try again tomorrow. So stop fretting so much.

If your upset with your service, gauge the situation before taking it out on your waitress (and her tip).

If you feel like you’re getting bad service, stop and take a look around. If you are one of the few people in the restaurant and you see your waitress chatting up coworkers while your food waits in the window, she most likely sucks. But if she’s constantly running around a full house with drinks, food, and checks, she’s most likely just really busy. I’m not saying you should accept bad service even when it’s busy, but cut your waitress some slack. When your mentally juggling the needs of multiple tables, some things get put on the backburner. Give your waitress a gentle reminder if you haven’t gotten something you need. Most likely she just got caught up. I hate when tables do not speak up about their needs and then bitch about it just before walking out. Give your waitress a chance to right any wrongs before slashing away at the tip.

Tip well.

Unless your waitress was horrible and unresponsive to your needs, tip at least 15% of your check. In most places a server’s wage is a little over $2 per hour, so the bulk of her pay comes from tips. And make sure your tip percentage is based on the normal value of the food. If you have a coupon for half off, it is not okay to half your tip as well. If you saved money on your dinner, put some of that towards the tip. If you’re a good customer that tips well and often, you’re more likely to get better service and even some things on the house.

Be aware of how long you are there.

By all means, take your time to enjoy you meal and company. But if you’re going to be at the table for a very long time, please up your tip. Last week a coworker of mine had two girls sit at her table for 5 hours, basically her whole shift. When you take up a table for that long, the waitress is essentially losing money from all the customers that potentially could have sat there. My coworker easily could have had 4 more tables if the girls had left. At the end of the night, the girls tipped a measly $2. Not cool.

Comment on your service (good or bad).

Most people will bitch about bad service, but do not raise such a fuss for good service. If you had a great waitress, let her know you enjoyed your experience. Even better, tell the manager. You can leave comments on a check, leave a note at the counter, write a review online, or talk to the manager directly. Managers want to hear how the service is, so please, speak up!

Eliminating Life Long Eczema by Cutting Out Milk

Eczema has been a problem for me since childhood. It usually sprang up in the winter when the air got dry. I would do my best to combat it with thick greasy lotion, moisturizing body washes, and hydrocortisone cream. It helped keep the eczema from spreading, but it didn’t go away fully till summer.  Late in my teens my eczema got worse and became a year-long problem. Rather than a few annoying itchy spots, I now had large and painful splotches all over my body. It was all over knees, elbows, and wrists even in the most humid months of summer. It was really embarrassing.

I eventually sought out a dermatologist for the problem. I was very disappointed in the treatment I got. Before even seeing me, the doctor prescribed the most potent steroid cream on the market. (What if I didn’t want steroids?!) When he finally did sit down with me, I asked him if there was anything I could do with my diet to help ease the eczema, perhaps some specific vitamin supplements? He merely shrugged me off and said the cream would fix everything.

The cream did work. I applied it twice a day and within a few days my eczema had almost cleared up completely. I was amazed. The downside was that the cream could only be used for two week and then I had to stop or it might eat through my skin completely. Oh. Great. After the two weeks were up I had extreme burning sensations where my eczema had been for a few days. The majority of it was gone, but the steroid cream was a great solution only in the short term. The red splotches started to come back a few months later. I certainly couldn’t keep using the toxic stuff over and over. I started to seek out more long term fixes.

In my quest for relief I tried bleach baths, coconut oil, shea butter, and several different brands of lotions, but nothing worked. I’d been following the paleo diet (mostly) for a year or so and I had read the diet helped eliminate a lot of skin issues, mostly by cutting out grains. I rarely ate any wheat or other grains and yet my eczema was worse than before I started eating paleo. I’d almost written paleo off as a solution when a friend suggested that it might be dairy causing the problem. After trying countless topical methods, I was willing to try a solution that started inside my body. I cut out all milk, butter, cream, cheese, and ice cream. It was extremely hard given that my family uses copious amounts of butter in their cooking and I was chauffeur to a sister who liked to hit up Baskin Robbins for $1 scoop Tuesday. I made it two weeks before caving and bingeing out on pizza and ice cream. Despite my crap self-control, I made it long enough to see a noticeable difference in my eczema. It had definitely shrunk during my dairy-free experiment. I decided I would continue to eat dairy, but cut out milk, which I had read caused the worst skin reactions.

Within a month my eczema was completely gone. I decided to keep with my no-milk diet through winter, my most vulnerable time to break out, to see if it truly cured my eczema. Now at the beginning of spring I can safely say that my eczema has not come back at all! I still eat lots of cheese, sour cream, butter, and half &  half. I moisturize with Eucerin’s daily lotion after showering. I no longer have itchy and embarrassing red spots all over. I don’t have to slather myself in greasy oils/lotions. I’m so excited to have finally found a solution to a lifelong problem.

What are your experiences with diet and eczema? Have you tried cutting some or all dairy?